Time And Relative Dimensions In Seireitai
by incandescens
Summary: A set of Bleach and Doctor Who crossover drabbles, involving various different Doctors and a few other regulars, and various people from Bleach.
1. tying things in circles

**tying things in circles**

Yamamoto-soutaichou didn't bother to look up at the disturbance outside. If it was important, someone would come and tell him.

"There's a man outside to see you, sir," his vice-captain said, appearing on schedule. "He, um, appeared out of a blue box."

"Blue?" Yamamoto enquired.

"Blue," his subordinate confirmed.

"Show him in," Yamamoto instructed. "And bring tea."

"About time too," the old man said fussily. He seated himself opposite Yamamoto. "Was I expected?"

"You said you would be coming," Yamamoto nodded. "But it was a later version of you."

"Oh." The old man frowned. "I really shouldn't have done that."

---


	2. I could have sworn I mentioned it

**I could have sworn I mentioned it**

"Oh, it's perfectly simple," the untidily dressed little man said cheerfully. "First you take your huge poisonous crawling baby with the knife fixation, then you apply practical psychology, which in this case consists of telling the Captain that you are fascinated by his work, admiring his cyborging pseudomagicotechnology, not to forget his cloning chambers, and his applied spiritual physics, while maintaining the moral high ground and taking great care not to mention the previous Captain . . . I did tell you not to mention the previous Captain, didn't I?"

"No," Jamie panted.

"Oh well," the Doctor said. "In that case, run faster."  
---


	3. I call it nitroeleven

**I call it nitro-eleven**

Eleventh Division still claimed that nothing beat hand-to-hand combat, man against man, mano against mano, zanpakutou against zanpakutou, the whole enchillada (especially when cooked by their Captain) and that anyone who tried to fight otherwise was a wimp.

But they did, reluctantly, admit that handmade, personally cooked-up explosives were in the right _spirit_. Especially when carried round in a backpack and delivered from close to.

Ace got elected an Honorary Eleventh Division member.

(She was allowed to keep the little man with the straw hat and umbrella as a mascot. Zaraki-taichou himself admitted that sometimes one needed a good navigator.)

---


	4. great minds think alike

**great minds think alike**

"That's really quite impressive," the bearded man in black remarked from where he lay face down in the gravel. "You regularly count all the trees in the compound to make sure that nobody attempts to infiltrate by disguising themselves as one?"

"Someone has to," Soi Fong snapped.

"I begin to think that I was underinformed," the Master reflected out loud.

"Who did the informing?" Yoruichi asked, paring her nails as she sat on his back.

"A certain Aizen Sousuke . . . ah, I see you know the gentleman." The Master sighed. "Careless of me. Next time, remind me to double-cross him _first_."

---


	5. a very important mission

**a very important mission**

Byakuya had to admit that he was favourably impressed by this visitor. She was clearly of noble breeding; her features, her manner, her speech all betrayed the true aristocrat. It was a positive delight to sit and talk with her.

"What about your companion's assignment?" he asked, for form's sake. The lanky man in the long scarf and hat didn't deserve her.

"Oh, don't worry about him," the woman -- Romana -- said. "I never do."

Elsewhere, Renji wasn't sure that Hollow-hunting usually involved fishing-rods and alcohol and sitting by the river bank, but he certainly wasn't going to object.

---


	6. I fail to see the problem

**I fail to see the problem**

"I'm sorry," Tousen Kaname said, "but justice demands your death."

The Doctor snorted. "Always the same. Have you spoken with justice lately?"

"Yes," Tousen agreed tranquilly. "Aizen-sama interprets it perfectly."

"Why have _you_ come to kill us?" the young woman -- Peri, her name was -- demanded in a shrill voice.

Tousen shrugged. "Well, Ichimaru Gin was going to dispose of you, but he had a violent reaction to your friend's fashion sense and then broke down sobbing nostalgically at the sight of your breasts. Fortunately, being blind, neither troubles me."

"Tripwires?"

"What tripwire?" Tousen said, a second too late.

---


	7. simply not cricket

**simply not cricket**

"No, seriously," the blond man in the white coat said. "You mean you're not the Hueco Mundo Espada Eleven and here for a cricket match?"

"Certainly not," Grimmjow snarled. The other Arrankar gathered round, preparing (as Yammi would have put it) to take out the trash.

"Ah! Then you must be the Arrankar. Aizen Sousuke did tell you about the effects of celery, didn't he? The allergic reaction and instant dissolution?"

There was a general shaking of heads.

"Oh well."

---

Afterwards, the Arrankar felt Aizen-sama had been _very_ unfeeling about a perfectly natural reaction of paranoia and running away screaming.

---


	8. men who wear glasses

**men who wear glasses**

Rose was feeling rather miffed. Not only was this (far too young) girl in robes and sword and hair-bun following the Doctor around with slavish enthusiasm -- which was supposed to be her job, after all -- but she kept on begging him to put his glasses back on.

And the Doctor wasn't objecting anything like as much as he should.

"Oh, all right." The Doctor slid his (dorky, very dorky, Rose noted bitterly) glasses on again.

The girl gave a squeal of joy and slid down to cuddle his ankles. "Aizen-taichou . . ." she whimpered.

Rose glared. Disgusting.

---


	9. the fate of the maiden who topes

**the fate of the maiden who topes**

"Kyouraku-taichou," Nanao said through gritted teeth. "Would it be too much to ask that you refrain from giving innocent young women _quite_ so much alcohol when they clearly don't know how to handle it?"

"Now see here, young lady." The tall white-haired man in the velvet frock-coat and frilly shirt straightened his shoulders. "It's highly improper of you to criticize your Captain, and in any case Jo knew precisely what she was doing . . ."

He wilted as Nanao stared him down.

"Isn't my Nanao-chan wonderful?" Shunsui enquired fondly as she stalked out.

"She'd better not give Jo lessons," the Doctor muttered.

---


	10. who's in charge round here anyway?

**who's in charge round here anyway?**

"So," the TARDIS said thoughtfully, "you swallow them and then spit them out again."

"Indeed." Minazuki rippled happily.

"And they just lie there peacefully and don't make any trouble."

"Sleep like babies," Minazuki conveyed. "Happy smiles on their faces."

The TARDIS considered.

"Excuse me," Itegumo murmured diffidently, "but weren't you saying something earlier about your owner needing to be conscious to pilot you?"

The TARDIS conveyed a shrug. "Given the number of times he gets the coordinates wrong, or hits me with mallets, or lets his friends play with me --"

"That's awful," Itegumo whispered.

"Do it," Minazuki nodded.

---


	11. turning through the years

**turning through the years**

"Excuse me," the huge man in the black robes and heavy helmet muttered. "Don't I know you?"

The Doctor ran his hand through his hair. "Sorry," he said regretfully. "I have a minor problem with amnesia. I probably should remember you. I apologise."

The big man shrugged. "If you're who I think you are, you warned me that this might happen last time. To do with the change of bodies, you said."

The Doctor frowned. "I don't remember that either."

"Do you remember anything?"

"Only a war. I think we lost."

"Yes," the big man said. "That happens a lot."

---


	12. a slight change of plan

**a slight change of plan**

"So," Sarah Jane Smith said, "you weren't actually planning to invade London, but when you visited . . ."

"Yeah." The white-haired ex-Captain scratched his head and smiled disarmingly. "I don't know why, but it's just something about the place. The Captain took one look at it and started rescheduling his whole ascension to power thing."

Sarah nodded and took notes. "About the Canary Wharf situation --"

"Aw, you didn't really _need_ those skyscrapers, did ya?"

"I see. Well! Thank you for the interview."

Ichimaru Gin smiled. "About your leaving here . . ."

"Allow me," Sarah said, "to introduce my dog."

"Bye bye," Gin said.

---


	13. rest for the weary

**rest for the weary**

"I heard there had been some problems," Ukitake said delicately, pouring the tea.

His guest took his cup with a bow of thanks and leaned back in his chair. Without his leather jacket, he was painfully thin, painfully tense. "You heard right."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault."

"Isn't it a pity that there isn't a convenient way to say 'I'm sorry' that isn't about fault, but that just wishes it hadn't happened?"

"There's always fault somewhere."

A frog jumped. The ripples in the pool expanded, slowed, and finally stopped, till the water reflected the sky like a steel mirror.

---


	14. introductions, goodbyes

**introductions, goodbyes**

Hitsugaya did not sulk. Captains did not sulk. He was not, however, happy. There had to be better uses of a Captain's time than "find the blue **POLICE BOX** and introduce yourself to the man inside." Yamamoto-soutaichou wouldn't even tell him _why_ he was supposed to be doing this.

The door opened. A young man leaned out. "Hello," he said gloomily.

"I'm here to meet the person who lives here," Hitsugaya stated frostily.

"Sorry. Got to say goodbye to a friend. Tell Yamamoto I'll be by tomorrow."

The door closed. The blue box disappeared.

_He always does that_, Hyourinmaru commented.

---


End file.
